Scrappy Malone’s Guide to Not Getting Pinched

If your idea of a "Green" lifestyle is drinking a dyed lager in a plastic cup while a Dropkick Murphys cover band plays at 110 decibels, we’ve got some bad news for you.

St. Patrick’s Day at Scrappy Malone’s isn’t about "the luck of the Irish." It’s about the grit of the survivor. While the rookies are out there wearing neon green plastic hats and regret, we’re keeping it low-key.

Scrappy’s rules for the 17th:

1. Wear the shirt: Our 100-proof drinking humor looks better than a "Kiss Me I’m Irish" sticker.
2. Drink the good stuff: Leave the green dye for the kindergarten projects. If it doesn't burn a little, it's not working.
3. Know your exit: The best part of any party is the moment you decide to leave and find a quiet spot on the Gulf Coast to watch the tide come in.

Sláinte to the ones who know that "luck" is just another word for being prepared to Take the Detour.